It's 4:30 am and I'm up - not because I want to work but because I'm terrified again. Every monring I wake up anywhere between 3 and 6 scared and calculating. At the begining of the year I had everything mapped out and was confident I was going to get my work out there and sold but now I feel like I'm missing a key.I feel like I'm missing one key that will open that one door...
Yesterday I sat here all day working on my little book again - no walk, no gym, no cleaning just the book I got down to the the last few pages and started to look thru and pulled my four weakest pages to retool...again. It's almsot done and once it is I'll can take it to AS220 and print the book all over again. It's a good concept, the execution is very close to what I want but it's going to cost me a bundle to print and, what if when it's all said and done, I send it out and it isn't bought. It's charming and poignant, there are 6 other books laid out and ready to go, but what if I don't find that one person, that one key, that can make all the difference. Or, what if I find someone who seems to be inetersted but doesn't bother to push the work - I'm so afraid I may be charging towards several dead ends that I can't control.
Like my paintings I can see the book(s) being a brand and building items off it/them - I can see how both my paintings and illustrations could be much bigger than what I'm capable of doing with them on my own but, again, where do I go and what if I miss that one person that key that's going to make the difference?
Alright, going back to bed and try to sleep somemore. My drawing pens are dead, I can't get anything done now anyway.