Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Tuesday 08/09

Man on a wire, I am tired....can't seem to get enough energy together to make it thru the day.This last week has been a particularly painful week and I've started to notice numbness spreading and deepening in my body - one of the effects of RSD and something I'm getting used to. Numbness, constant pain,blah, blah, blah.

A couple of years ago, when I first starting to develop serious RSD symptoms, I didn't really understand what was happening - I was becoming weak, I had trouble walking, talking, breathing, digesting food, sometimes my eye sight would go hay wire, sometimes I would be completely overcome with pain exhaustion and end up sleeping all day. Now I'm kinda used to it. I'm not saying I accept the limitations RSD has afforded me but I am getting accustomed to not being able to feel my feet and  legs, I'm getting used to the humming in my hands, the mild seizure spells, etc. I don't want to accept any of this but I don't see any other there way to live with an illness of this magnitude. Like an abusive spouse - I can't fight back, the illness only hurts me more. And, like living with an abusive spouse, I know when to tread lightly, what's going to trigger this and how best to avoid any trouble....until it gets bored and won't let me avoid trouble any longer.

I am so, so tired.

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