08/04

I can't figure out which is worse - being trapped in my head or being trapped in my fortress of a live/work space. I can't seem to get out of either easily and without a lot of trepidation.

My neighbors keep me from wanting to exit my house, the Cave de la Hermitage, because of the level of insanity they cause on the outside and I can't leave my head because of the level of insanity on the inside - my ideas and the want to produce keep me in.  But I'm not always sure the ideas are so good that I should only restrain my thinking to what I see in my head.

I have a couple paintings/illustrations I feel driven to do but they're not coming out right, they're not saying whatIi want them to say and I'm worried about how the could be perceived. Not that aything I say has any importance or anyone will really notice but it matters to me what something I produce could been imaged to mean. I am in love with a couple ideas but they've also got me stymied now because they could be perceived as meaning something  insulting even thought the intent behind the work is not. Oh well. I think I'm going to scrap the original(s) and try again - maybe I'll get something better. I'm not that attached to the renditions I have anyway.

The neighbors are another thing. I feel trapped in my Cave because of them. I have every right in the world to hold myself in my head but they have no right to make things so uncomfortable that people are relucttant to leave their own dwellings. The law that protects people from feeling unsafe and trapped is called "Quiet enjoyment".  Quiet enjoyment law holds the landlord responsible for keeping  the rental property clean, well maintained and peaceabe. If he or she does not, they can be held legally responsible for loud tenants, mice, bed bugs, stuctural problems, etc They are all issues that the landlord and his company are obliged to maintain and manage or, as the law says, they are "interfering with tenants quiet enjoyment".

Conversly, it is also my responsibilty to apply quiet enjoyment to my own being before things crumble. Clean house, keep my head clear, throw away bad ideas, meditate on new ones and or try scrapping freshening up old ideas - those are my responsibilities to my work. I can't hang on told old, stale ideas and methods or my head and the situation will turn sour.

All right, that's enough of that. It's been a bizarre week - time to take on doing the best I can today and get rid of crap that's just making me feel trapped.