To call it exciting and full of endless possibilities is an understatement. To call the people generous, helpful, ambitious and wild...another understatement. If you've never been to New York....oooooh...ooooooh. It is THE most fantastic city in the world - it's grimy and gross, shiny and exciting, confusing and well laid out, it's everything you don't know you love yet and everything you're fully aware you should avoid. It's terrific and fantastic, horrifying and unwieldy, and the absolute center of our world - it is the place every other city wants to be. New york is THE place, the only place.
I woke this morning feeling frozen - I'm waiting for people to get back to me so I can clean out the house, paint and plan for an upcoming show I was offered but I'm sitting in limbo waiting to hear details and I'm not good at waiting. When I'm waiting, that's when my head tries to convince me everything s falling apart again. "You're not going to have a show. You're not goignt o make it. All that work, all that money, all that effort and time wasted".....that's what my head says -"why on earth would you believe anyone would be interested in you and your work? You really shouldn't have bothered, you shouldn't have dared to try. You know it's not going to end well."
I'm gonna continue to try to clean out the house, clean out my life and try to act as if everything is going ahead as planned. I've gotta try to shut those little monsters up.
P.S. The Cave is so incredibly damp - I walked in the door yesterday to find water in the basement, water in buckets as well as water on and behind my woodstove(s). This is not helping my mood.