Thursday, September 1, 2011

09/01 - Unicorns on the moon

So I'm no further ahead in my website than I was 5 months ago. In fact, since I lost most of the content on approx 21 pages working with my server, I believe I may even be further behind.

Speaking of behinds, I've been sitting on mine (behind) up to 18 hrs a day working feverishly to redo all the work that was lost last week but it still comes down to this one thing that I can't figure out - how to make my images go from thumbnails to preview size to a nice fullsize image in Lightbox presentation. For days (really, MONTHS) now I've been following videos on watching the same Jquery program vids over and over, following each piece of information frame by frame and combing thru code in each vid over and over and over and over but I stll can't simply click on an image and get it to expand (....something that should be so simple for a person with 1/2 a brain). Tomorrow I'm headed to NY, a goal I've been working my butt off for and I don't have the ONE thing I need to make me look like a credible artist - a stupid, fucking, working website. I do however how a butt the size of a woman who's been sitting at her computer  for months on end.

I haven't given up, this is a mission I cannot fail. I'm fully invested - since I signed up for web design class at RISD this past winter building a website has been my main focus and I've given up a lot of fun opportunities to get this goal accomplished - I don't allow myself to enjoy fun opportunities till I've reached my set goals. I've missed out on so much this summer: I didn't go to the cinema (a super special summer favorite), I gave up weeks of kayaing, camping, exploring - 1/2 the stuff I had set as rewards for myself this summer; I made Bugsy wait to go on walks, gave up afternoons in the park with him, skipped the gym and excercise to get this done; and , of course, the big one - I'VE HAD TO GIVE UP PAINTING FOR WEEKS AT A TIME TO TRY TO BUILD A WEBSITE THRU DREAMWEAVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I might as well have set my mind to raising unicorns on the moon as my goal because it always comes down to this one tiny piece of information, the one question I've been asking for 5-7 months - HOW DO I MAKE THE FUCKING THUMBNAILS EXPAND?????????????????????? WHAT'S THE CODE TO MAKING THIS WORK??????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I've been playing out different versions of this same scenerio my whole life. Like I've always been looking for that one piece of info that'll make my art career, my family life, my job opportunities work.....what's that one thing I'm missing that'll help make everything else expand. I feel like I'm so close to breaking the code and having things fall into place but there's always one thing, one piece of information I'm missing to make it all work.

Just like finding the one, teen tiny piece of code that'll get this this stupid, fucking website work, I literaly feel like I'm a hare's breath away from finding the one thing, possibly that one person that'll facilitate the energy needed to help me start to get all (or most) of my (art) goals falling into place.

Fucking website. STUPID FUCKING WEBSITE. I give up for now, I'm going to the gym.

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