I have an unbelieveable headache today. Where I'm living is driving me nuts - I rented my little building, Cave de la Hermitage, because it was quiet, I didn't have to be bothered by anyone and I thought I had a backyard I could use but instead, I have a heroin/crack dealer for a neighbor who uses street people as corner boys, another neighbor who's a weed smoking drunk and who encourages street people to hang out on our in the 'hood, a leaky roof, blah, blah, blah. The extremity of the situation just kinda hit me this morning again.
I have a lot to consider by the end of the year -do I continue the legal fight for safety and quiet where I live?; do I put my energy (and money) into finding a new place to live or do I keep my focus on acheiving my goals?; is there a location (besides NYC) that will better suit my goals? Deciding to continue to fight for my right for a safe place to live might be a tremendous waste of energy especially since I live in a city that's almost wholey invested in it's past history while at the same time reveling in it's present addictions to poverty, drugs, violence, gangs, garbage, etc. However, if I decide move, I have a lot of stuff I need to sell off to lighten my load - selling my belongings will take even more energy and energy that I then can't put into my work and I've already lost months and thousands of dollars to developing my own website which I've just given up on and handed over to someone else. I know I have to move - I need to be in a community that has more than a handful of people who are invested in their own lives. I need to be around more people who are looking forward and who are pressing into their futures.
Maybe I'll try to put all this aside today - reorganize my paintings, wrap them in plastic, get my pic files organized for the web designer, finish up 2 paintings, start my painting donation for Rev Rouss' fundraiser at the Working Waterfront Fest and clean my place. Maybe then my head will ease - if I focus on me and don't even think about the chaos around me. I just wish I could open my backdoor and enjoy some sunshine without being on guard.