Saturday, April 30, 2011

Sat. 04/30

I am feeling incredibly discouraged - yesterday I found two people smoking crack in my fenced in backyard, my basement is filled with water again, I have ants marching around the living room area ...and they're HUGE but, most oif all, I've been working my tail off trying to get booked in shows and it isn't happening as much as I need. I'm painting, printing, taking photographs; taking a class in web design, signed up for another photo processing class and a class in archival pastes. I'm sending out and handing out my  illustrated book, sending out and handing out my portfolio brochere and disc. I feel like there's an invisible wall and I need to learn how to break thru it....but how? I watch other people passively squander opportunites while I work my tail off to get the door open even a crack.

My frustration is shared by people on the fringes, people who are injured and alone, but I feel like life keeps handing me an experienec that's taylored to me: insult after insult and injury after injury and a barrier that's snidely daring me to continue. I am full of direction - I know what I want, I'm working for what I need, setting goals and reaching them and I can see it all but there's a barrier between me and success. Hopefully, this is temporary but I'm afraid it could continue to be my life.


1 comment:

  1. Add: the crack smoking duo having nothing to do with my frustration except that isee them on the street and thy're treated like kings in my neighborhood and I look at that and think: how hard do they have to work to get that level of recognition? Yes, it's self pitying but I'm incredibly tired of watching people who can't be bothered celebrated.